I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
