so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
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I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
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i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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