Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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