Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
