brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
