I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
