My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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