this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
