you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
