forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
