Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
