Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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