just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
