i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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