He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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