No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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