Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
