So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
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It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
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You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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