do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
