Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
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My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
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I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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