My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Help. Why am I so naked?
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