Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
