is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
