I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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