So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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