Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
