I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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