Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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