I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Are my feet made of real feet?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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