Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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