I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
