I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You took a bar mat shot.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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