we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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