I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
