i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
