That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
