this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Two words: nipple clamps
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