Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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