So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
