just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The best revenge is premature balding
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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