You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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