Non-Jews are for practice
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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