uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
