shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
