just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize