If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
