There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Pants are for mortals
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
