I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
it glows. i had to have it.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
