I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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