haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize