I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
