Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
