so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
