I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize