i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
