They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
