Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
