Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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