ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You may now shotgun with the bride
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
