I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
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I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
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Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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