If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
