i jhust puked up my retainher.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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