The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
