need another drink. this is the easiest way
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
