so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
