I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
